Golfing = Littering

What was once a gentleman's sport is now considered an environmental hazard. From CNN:

Research teams at the Danish Golf Union have discovered it takes between 100 to 1,000 years for a golf ball to decompose naturally. A startling fact when it is also estimated 300 million balls are lost or discarded in the United States alone, every year. It seems the simple plastic golf ball is increasingly becoming a major litter problem. ...

... Local government ministers in Scotland have also complained about the level of golf ball littering. UK lawmaker Patrick Harvie told CNN: "From the moon to the bottom of Loch Ness, golf balls are humanity's signature litter in the most inaccessible locations."

Of course, anyone who has watched Seinfeld knows the damage golf balls can do to the environment:

"Awesome" Mayoral Candidate

Sometimes I miss living in Minneapolis. Here on the east side of the river we just don't get "awesome" mayoral candidates like Joey Lombard:

Joey, like most people, started life as a baby and he only got bigger from there. Growing up on the Northside, Joey attended his neighborhood schools. It was there that the learned to read and write, a skill which is all too useful for many politicians. Upon acquiring this literacy, Joey continued his academic career in the Minneapolis Public School system. Although Joey regretably transferred to out-of-city schools for several years, he ultimately returned and graduated sub cum laude from Patrick Henry High School in 2005.

Since that time, Joey has led a life of continued awesomeness. Having enlisted and served in both the U.S. Air Force, and the U.S. Army, Joey understands what it takes to be great. This employment dedication led him to a high-end job in Downtown Minneapolis where he regularly spoke with Minneapolitans of all backgrounds and learned what they wanted and worked to deliver such.

Joey, when not practicing his piano or guitar, spends much of his time in Minneapolis, often riding public transit and shopping at local, small businesses. Everyday, Joey continues to discuss politics with concerned citizens, furthering his knowledge of and commitment to the improvement of his city.

Perhaps the most appealing aspect of his campaign was his promise to improve the city by "putting his years of playing Sim City to use."

Did I mention that Joey "is awesome"? No, really. It even said so on the ballot:

Too bad he didn't win. He certainly was infinitely more qualified than the bloated bureaucrats who have held the office up until now.

Walmart Now Selling Caskets

We all knew this was coming sooner or later. Walmart is now in the funeral business, offering quality caskets at reasonable prices.

Some of you are probably thinking the folks at Walmart are trying to cash in on the current flu pandemic scare. Perhaps. But maybe they're just catering to people who think its rather silly to waste their hard-earned money on something they won't even be around to enjoy.

Makes sense to me!

Our Energy Problems Are Solved!

The energy problems of the world may be over. From Spiegel Online:

Stray rabbits are getting a raw deal in Sweden. Thousands of them living in the center of Stockholm are being culled, deep frozen and converted into biofuel for heating homes. Wildlife campaigners have criticized the practice. ...

... The frozen bunnies are shipped to a heating plant in Karlskoga in central Sweden which uses them as biofuel and incinerates them to heat homes, media reports said. A spokeswoman for the plant declined to comment. The plant's supplier, Konvex, a company that produces biofuels from animals, could not immediately be reached for comment.

Seriously, have you ever heard of a shortage of rabbits? They're the perfect renewable resource!

Why Older Generations Were Happier

It's difficult for those of us raised to "just say no" to imagine a time when drugs like cocaine, heroin, and opium were sold regularly as over-the-counter remedies. Imagine seeing these on the shelf at your local CVS:

See more examples here.

Snakes on a Plain

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?:

The Burmese python and four other non-native snakes -- boa constrictors, yellow anacondas, northern and southern African pythons -- are considered "high-risk" threats to the health of U.S. ecosystems because they eat native birds and animals, the U.S. Geological Survey report said.

Two species, the boa constrictor and Burmese python, have already established breeding populations in south Florida and experts have found "strong evidence" that the northern African python may be breeding in the wild as well.

Four other snakes, the reticulated python, green anaconda, Beni anaconda and Deschauensee's anaconda, are considered "medium-risk" but are still potentially serious threats, the USGS report said.

Enough is enough! I have had it with these...well, you know.

NASA's Moon Bomb a Bust

We first heard about NASA's plan to bomb the moon back in February of 2008. No, there weren't any intelligence reports of hidden WMD. The object of the mission was to slam a probe into a permanently shadowed region of the lunar surface in order to kick up enough dust that could then be analyzed to see if water ice might be present. (Can you think of a better way to spend our tax dollars?)

If that wasn't exciting enough, we were even going to get to see live photos of the event! But that didn't pan out exactly as NASA scientists had hoped.

Here's an update from the AP:

First a 2.2-ton empty rocket hull smacked the moon's south pole at 7:31 a.m. EDT Friday. Then four minutes later the camera-and-instrument laden space probe made its death plunge.

The smaller probe had five cameras and four other scientific instruments and NASA had touted live photos on its web site. But those images didn't occur. NASA officials say they are sure the two probes crashed and looking to see what happened to the pictures. Pictures were live until seconds before impact.

Oh, sure. They can land a man on the moon...

How You Can Tell You're Watching High School Football on ESPN

When you learn strange, non-football-related facts about the players...

It's the End of the World as We Know It...and I Feel Fine

By now you've probably heard of the new movie 2012. This is the latest corny disaster flick from director Roland Emmerich, who also brought us such gems as Independence Day, Godzilla, and The Day After Tomorrow.

The movie is based on the theory that "something" will happen in 2012 because the Mesoamerican (or Mayan) Long Count calendar just ends on December 21 of that year. Many think this is significant. Despite the fact that the Mayans couldn't even predict their own demise, some people believe they had special insight into the future and foresaw the end of the world.

If that premise isn't laughable enough, the movie seeks to make it downright hilarious. Take a look at the trailer see if there is a single disaster the film's creators may have missed:



Oh, yeah. The feel-good movie of the year.

The movie is set to be released in November of this year. I suppose that shouldn't come as a surprise. If the end of the world really does correspond to the end of the Mayan calendar, then a 2012 Christmas release wouldn't make much sense.

My theory as to why the Mayan calendar ends in 2012: the guy writing it simply got writer's cramp.

Texas State Fair-Goers Introduced to Deep-Fried Butter

Abel Gonzales Jr., the same guy who brought you deep-fried Coke, has introduced a new artery-clogging oddity to the state fair culinary lineup: deep-fried butter.

To make this greasy concoction, real butter is whipped until fluffy, frozen, dipped in batter, then dropped into a fryer. It's such a simple concept, I'm surprised no one has thought of this before.

For the more health-conscious fair-goer, Gonzales does offer a plain-butter version. The butter nuggets are also available in three additional flavors: garlic, grape, and cherry.

Maybe deep-fried butter isn't so strange after all, especially for Texans. Here are just a few of the other "foods" featured at the fair:

• Green Goblins: Cherry peppers stuffed with spicy shredded chicken and guacamole, battered, deep-fried and topped with queso.
  
  
• Twisted Yam on a Stick: A spiral-cut sweet potato, fried on a skewer, then rolled in butter and dusted with cinnamon and sugar.
  
  
• Fernie's Deep Fried Peaches & Cream: Served with a side of vanilla buttercream icing for dipping.
  
  
• Texas Fried Pecan Pie: A mini-pecan pie battered, deep fried and served with caramel sauce, whipping cream and chopped candied pecans.
  
  
• Country Fried Pork Chips: Battered, thin-sliced pork loin deep fried and served with sides of ketchup or cream gravy.
  
  
• Sweet Jalapeno Corn Dog Shrimp: Shrimp on a stick, coated with a sweet and spicy cornmeal batter, deep fried and served with a spicy glaze.
  
  
• Fried Peanut Butter Cup Macaroon: A peanut butter cup wrapped inside a coconut macaroon, fried and then dusted with powdered sugar.